Is Peaceful Co-Parenting After a Difficult Divorce Possible?

Divorce can create emotional strain, but by focusing on your children’s stability and using strategies like parallel parenting, you can help maintain a peaceful environment for their growth and well-being.

Key Takeaways:

• Parallel parenting can be an effective strategy when traditional co-parenting is not feasible for the time being due to ongoing conflict.

• Every decision you make should prioritize your child’s emotional stability, ensuring that they are kept out of the conflict.

• Seeking legal help may be necessary if the co-parenting relationship remains hostile or if violations of custody orders occur.

Divorce can do a number on someone as it is, but when kids are involved, the process can quickly spiral out of control. The love between a parent and child is intense and all-consuming, and when those emotions are paired with the pain and heartache of divorce, there is potential for a significant amount of hostility. However, no matter how your divorce plays out or how dirty things get, you still have children to raise together, and hopefully, you and your ex-factor can at least agree that your kids should come first. So, is peaceful co-parenting possible after a challenging divorce?The answer is yes, but it requires the effort and commitment of both parents. It requires implementing intentional, actionable strategies with your kids’ stability and happiness in mind. However, we understand that you can only control what you do, not what the other parent does. The key is to focus on what you can control: your behavior, your communication, and the environment you create for your children. In this blog, we’ll help you understand the steps you can take to navigate the next chapter with grace and foster a positive, supportive environment for your children to grow in. 

1. Consider Parallel Parenting

In some cases, divorces can get so toxic that traditional co-parenting isn’t possible - at least until things have calmed down. In these instances, parallel parenting might be a better option. Parallel parenting is a lesser-known type of co-parenting that differs from co-parenting in the way that each parent has their own parenting approach when the children are with them. While co-parents in a more traditional arrangement might attend the same functions, appointments, or child-related events, those in a parallel parenting arrangement might not. Moreover, parallel parents may limit communication to email, text, or co-parenting apps. While it’s proven that children thrive when both of their parents are actively and simultaneously involved in their lives, constant conflict or arguments can undermine this positive influence. In cases where communication between parents is consistently difficult or leads to arguments, parallel parenting can be a healthier alternative. This approach allows parents to maintain limited, structured contact while focusing on their individual roles without direct interaction. By setting clear boundaries and expectations, parallel parenting minimizes conflict and shields children from the emotional strain, all while ensuring both parents remain involved in their child’s life.Parallel parenting allows for you and your former spouse to maintain your collective parenting responsibilities while disconnecting from each other personally, which can benefit you both, especially following a tense or toxic divorce. It’s not ideal for every divorced couple, and even if you think it might be, there’s no one “right” way to do it; you are free to modify some of the main principles to fit your situation. 

2. Prioritize Your Child’s Well-Being Over Your Differences

Though this may sound like a no-brainer, it’s easy - especially after a contentious divorce - to make decisions with your former partner in mind rather than your children. Children should not be used as pawns by either of their parents to try and hurt the other; in fact, they should be kept out of any conflict or disputes between you and your ex-factor.Every decision you make regarding your children should be centered around their emotional and mental health. Ask yourself questions such as:

• How would this decision affect my child’s sense of stability and security?

• Am I encouraging my child to have a positive relationship with the other parent?

• Am I listening to and respecting my child’s feelings and needs, without pushing my own emotions or frustrations onto them?

• Is my child’s comfort and routine being disrupted by my actions, or am I maintaining consistency for them?

3. Establish Clear Communication with Your Co-Parent

Effective communication is the backbone of co-parenting, especially after a difficult divorce. However, it can be challenging if it seems like every interaction you have leads to an argument or disagreement. There are a few key things you should keep in mind to ensure your communication is productive, rather than destructive, including:

• Keep all communication focused on the kids and avoid rehashing your personal issues or frustrations to prevent tension from rising

• Use neutral, business-like language to express the kids’ needs and your own concerns without blaming the other parent

• Set boundaries to keep conversations centered on the kids, or even limited to certain days only

• If face-to-face conversations tend to lead to conflict, consider using written, digital forms that provide a record of your interactions, such as text, email, or a co-parenting app for communication

4. Respect the Parenting Time and Custody Agreement

If you and your co-parent just emerged from a difficult divorce, deciding on how you’ll share custody of your kids may have been one of your major points of contention. Whether you were able to come to an agreement or a judge issued the custody order, you are obligated to follow the agreement as closely as possible. Not only does it prevent any further conflict between you and your co-parent from being instigated, it gives your children a sense of stability and consistency following the turbulent transition of a divorce. If you need any further encouragement to stick to the custody agreement, remember that it is a legally enforceable order, which means you could be found in contempt of court for non-compliance. In Texas, continued violations could lead to penalties like fines, loss of time with your children, or even jail time in severe cases. This isn’t to say there won’t be instances where some flexibility is needed, and that some last-minute changes won’t be necessary. When those situations arise, do your best to communicate as early and respectfully with your co-parent as possible. Respecting their time with your kids will promote mutual respect, keeping tension low overall and sparing everyone - especially your children - from additional conflict. 

5. Seek Legal Help if Needed

If you do everything in your power to keep the peace with your co-parent following a difficult divorce, but they don’t seem to have the same sentiment, involving a skilled Texas family law attorney might become necessary. You might be thinking you’ve had enough of dealing with lawyers after a challenging divorce, but when it comes to setting the tone for the next several years of co-parenting, it’s best to take the time to make sure you’re starting on a solid foundation. If communication is hostile, custody orders are already being violated, or you’re noticing signs of parental alienation, it shouldn’t be ignored. A custody lawyer can help you understand your options and take the appropriate legal actions to correct the situation. Let Hembree Bell Law Firm Give You the Legal Tools You Need to Achieve Peaceful Co-Parenting - for Yourself and Your Kids. Book a Free Case Evaluation Today!Co-parenting after a difficult divorce isn’t easy, but it’s still possible to build a stable, loving environment for your kids. You don’t need us to tell you that your kids’ stability depends on how you manage this transition - you likely already realize that. Patience, clear communication, and a focus on their well-being are key to leaving the pain and heartache of your divorce in the past, so that you can move forward to a brighter future.Need support with co-parenting or navigating your divorce? Contact our dedicated team for personalized legal guidance to help your family start the next chapter with a positive mindset. Our premier Texas family law attorneys have decades of collective experience and first-hand experience with the challenges you’re facing. You don’t have to wait until your kids are grown to be at peace! Reach out to us today to book your free case evaluation and let’s work together to find the best path forward.